I've been having some issues lately...

Hey guys, I'm sorry to unload a post like this on you. But this is the only forum where people seem to genuinely care about its members and not endlessly mock me for my problems in life. And...well I needed a place to vent about some things, and I thought maybe I could do it here. This is really long, I'll warn you now. I haven't even typed up everything that's been going on, just what I could think of. Like seriously, I've turned in essays shorter than this. Originally I was gonna post this over on GolfMkV.com - Volkswagen Golf, GTI, and Rabbit Forums 'cos they were giving me hell for a post I made about my parents wanting to sell my car and cut off my insurance 'cos I smoke (more on that later), but then I realized that none of them over there actually give a damn about me, and decided to post this here, where if I do get a response I at least will know it's from someone who cares a bit. Please don't feel obliged to read this whole thing! I'm not forcing anyone to. Just knowing it's out there and that someone may read it and that maybe just one person will care would be brilliant. I feel like it's somewhat appropriate here as it does have a lot to do with cars, funnily enough.

So...let's go back in my car history. When I was 11 my dad bought me a 1972 Volkswagen Super Beetle for $825...the money went to the Boy Scout troop (don't laugh) I was involved with at the time. I loved (and still love) that car...but back in middle school I didn't have many friends and was teased a lot. That car was the way I met my friends I had at the time, and at the same time I became very attached to it. I had literally wanted a Bug for as long as I could remember, and that was a dream come true for me. I loved that car like you would a pet, and it showed. Maybe not the most healthy thing in the world, but hey I was in middle school. (18 now btw). Anyway, my parents have always been VERY strict on my grades. It took them years to accept the fact that I wasn't gonna get all A's on every report card, I was reprimanded harshly for getting so much as an 89 in math, my least favorite subject for a reason--try as I might to do well in it, I suck. But I was never told I did my best. I was always told I could do better, that I should be trying harder, even when I was working flat out to do the best I could. I would feel horrible all day if I got so much as a C on my math test 'cos I knew my parents would be pissed if I brought that home. How does this tie into my car? Well if I did anything that upset my parents...especially not doing perfect in school, my mom would threaten to sell the Bug. She would say she didn't care if she had to give it away, that she would get rid of it. I'm not sure why she said that...I was young and didn't know much about cars, so I wasn't spending a shitload of time working on it or anything, just little things with my dad like changing the oil, cleaning it out and little things like that. That really hurt me--I loved that car and the fact that my parents were holding it over my head was really bothering me. I feel like it's different than something like taking away the computer or a gaming system...you can get those back, but I could never get MY Beetle back if it went away. It was special to me because it was something that I felt like was so quintessentially ME. Maybe I'm just a lunatic though, eh?

Anyway, this continued until I started doing so much work on the Beetle that I think they knew they rightfully couldn't take it away from me, though they paid for it initially and pay the insurance and taxes (very small, it's only got basic insurance and isn't worth much) on it I've spent so much time and effort keeping it going that I may as well have paid for it.

Fast forward to right before I was 16. We were looking at cars for me, and of course I loved the GTI. My parents initially told me they'd spend around $10,000 on a first car for me, which sounded great. I loved the GTI, but the cheapest we saw used ones for were like $16,000 or so...this was back in '08/'09. We test drove a brand new '09 GTI and I loved it, but I told my dad I didn't want him to spend a bunch of money on a new car for me. I wanted to look at more inexpensive things, at least closer to their $10,000 price range. Honestly I would have pressed for it harder, but they flat out refused to buy me anything that wasn't new and safe, and I knew they wouldn't change that. My dad also said he wanted to get me something new so it would only have to have basic maintenance done on it while I owned it. Finally I gave in and just said "if you wanna spend that much money on a car for me, go right ahead." I know it sounds weird to be looking a gift horse in the mouth, but as I already had learned with my Beetle, once my parents bought me a car they would hold it over my head until I paid for it myself...and I just felt bad, having them pay SO MUCH for me to get a car.

Well around my 16th birthday I came home from a mission trip and my parents surprised me with the same new GTI we had test driven...2009 Tornado Red, cloth interior, 6speed, sunroof, 18" Huffs. Any 16-year old's dream car. I was thrilled. Anyone would be, I was so excited about it and was eager to get my license so I could drive it! I was told that they bought me that car so I wouldn't have to work to pay for my car so I could focus on my school Not a month after owning it my parents said they were gonna sell it if I didn't "appreciate" it enough. I figured that driving it respectfully (while having some fun with it when my dad rode with me, 'cos that's how he trained me hah) and meticulously detailing it were enough. I was humble about it at school and didn't really make a big deal of it. I was thankful for my car but I didn't want the whole school talking about it. But apparently whatever I was doing, wasn't enough. That happened a few times, but eventually they stopped threatening to sell it...for THAT reason.

Then the issue of school came up. I have always done well in school, and high school was no exception. When I graduated I had a 3.92 uneweighted and a 4.0 weighted GPA. But again, it was the same thing...even if I tried my hardest in a class (generally math) and got a B, it was the same story..."if you don't do well we're taking away your keys." All the rest of my friends got B's, and none of their parents threatened to take away THEIR cars. But my parents have it in their heads I'm some sort of super perfect genius child and that they had to do everything in their power to make me do that. They even wanted to get me math tutoring...because I had a B in an advanced math class. I was never told I did my best and that was what mattered...I was never good enough. Again, they seem to think I'm a helluva lot smarter than I am am, and no matter how hard I try to tell them that I'M TRYING AS HARD AS I FUCKING CAN they don't believe me. My dad has this insane work ethic, he was poor as a kid, bought his first car with lawn mowing money, and has worked his way up through college and his career with the electric company and makes over 250K a year. I guess I don't have that same work ethic, and certainly not his intelligence. I get good grades, but I'm not in that class of "super smart" kids that my parents seem to think I belong in. I tried damn hard to do it though, to make them happy. It didn't work.

Things really started going to shit when I told them that I'm gay. They're very strong Baptists, and at the time I was too. I was sent to counseling...not to help me accept who I was but to try to help me "in my struggle with homosexuality," as they believed it was a sin. I did too...at first. My mom was convinced at first that somehow, I could be changed. Anyway I soon realized that it wasn't a sin, but regardless of that sunk into a deep depression over the course of last winter. I don't know why I did. I didn't eat. I cut myself more times than I could count. (Parents don't know about the cutting). Finally around spring things started to look up, I had accepted who I was, high school was almost over, I was going to college mostly on scholarships (Georgetown College, ~38,000 a year and my parents are paying $15,000/year due to scholarships.) But I could tell they were disappointed that I didn't get more in scholarship money, I think they were under the impression that I could somehow do better, even though the rest of the world would find what I did very good and that a 31 on the ACT two times in a row is a perfectly acceptable score that deserved praise, not a "you could do better, take it again." Back in March I started smoking. Regardless of what everyone says, it was not peer pressure that made me do it. It was my own choice. I don't like other people controlling my life. I had wanted to try smoking for ages, so when I was 18 I started. I don't need a lecture on health risks, I'm very well aware of those and understand them very very well. I'd rather live a shorter life, in which I have enjoyed every moment possible to the fullest, rather than a long life full of things that ultimately don't make me happy. That is something my parents don't understand...my dad wants me to be an engineering major and make a shit ton of money and do better than him. That's not what I want. I don't want some job in a corporate office somewhere. I'm looking into Communications and Environmental Science, as there are some really cool things you can do with those. I'm not saying the first or even the second or third job I get will be great, but I ultimately want to end up somewhere that makes me happy.

Anyway. Back to smoking. My parents found out back at the end of summer. I told them I'd quit when I got to college, which was my original plan anyway. That didn't work so well, lol. They said that if I continued smoking, they would cut me off the health insurance and car insurance. Health insurance I can understand...if the insurance company knew I smoked the rates would go up and I understand they don't want to pay for that. That's fine, and is a risk I'm willing to take. But car insurance...that's a bit different. My dad even said that he was overreacting. But apparently, since I would use my car to drive out and buy cigarettes, that therefore means he would be perpetuating my smoking habit. Even though I pay for my own gas and have done so ever since I started driving. I don't even buy packs of cigarettes anymore, it was too expensive (American Spirits...yeah I'm a hipster I suppose). I roll my own so I only buy tobacco and tubes for my machine once a month or so anyway. I know he certainly has the right to cut me off the insurance, I don't expect any sympathy there.

Really, the entire point of this rant is that I'm just tired of my parents trying to run my life for me. They wanted to tell me what sexuality I should be, what classes I needed to take, what friends I needed to make, what car I should drive, what religion should be...etc. But unlike every other parent I've come across...when that didn't go their way, they would not just disapprove, they would do all in their power to change me and my way of life. I don't even want to know what they would do if they found out that I'm really not all that confident in the Christian faith as they practice it. They'd probably die if they knew I had my Pagan friend read my cards last weekend. And then try to forbid me from hanging out with her. (She's my best friend and also happens to be a smoker, so they blame her. Also she's apparently a bad influence on my 'cos she's not a Christian. When in reality I don't even know where I would be without her, literally.) I have lived my whole life trying to please them, but it's not enough. And unlike other parents who may get mad or disappointed, my parents do all they can to try to make me the person they want me to be, oftentimes when it's not the best thing for me. Even though my parents know I'm gay and out, they still send me bible verses and shit that I know are directed at my sexuality and my "choice" to live this way. Honestly, if I were to be beat up because of my sexuality, they would just tell me that I should have stayed in the closet and not told anyone. I'm not flamboyant, I dress a bit quirky but I don't immediately come off as "gay" to everyone I meet. I don't deny it though.

So I feel like I'm at a fork in my life. I know I can't hide smoking from my parents anymore, but that's not even what I care about. I feel like by them trying to make me into the person they've always wanted me to be, they've pushed me farther away from them than every before. I love them deeply and know they do have my best interests at heart, but somewhere along the way that intent turned back upon themselves. What started as healthy encouragement has started to make me feel useless and inadequate, and my depression is coming back again. I've started cutting again. I've been seeing a counselor on campus, because I can't deal with all the shit that comes from my parents alone anymore. And I'm not doing bad in college...my first semester and I may have 2 or possibly 3 B's out of it. Not bad considering my English class is not only Honors, but reportedly one of the hardest English classes the school offers. All the rest of my classes are either 200 level (mostly taken by sophomores/upperclassmen) or honors level classes as well. I'm working as hard as I can, the only times I take a bit of a break is when I drive home on the weekends to relax from working straight through the week. The weekends are what keep me sane, I don't have many close friends here on campus so generally I go the entire day without speaking to anyone, except the people I meet when I'm smoking. haha, another reason I like smoking. Without it I would have NO friends here, the people I am close to I only met because we ran into each other smoking...if not I would probably have never met them.

So...I'm just not sure what to do. I love having my car, not only 'cos it's fun as hell and I track it occasionally with my dad (he has a 1-series BMW), but because I know it's dependable and I can rely on it whenever I need to go somewhere. But I'm just sick and tired of it being held over my head indefinitely. They're gonna threaten to take it away again after this semester, because I didn't get a perfect set of A's in all my classes. They will blame it on the fact that I come home on the weekends...nevermind the fact that EVERYONE on this campus goes home on the weekends, I'm not a freak in that regard. I want to make my own decisions, and I know I have a responsibility to respect and listen to my parents as long as they're paying for things like my insurance. My dad told me that the GTI was my car, but if I smoked I'd have to pay my own insurance. But there's no way in hell I could pay for insurance on that car, even if I got a job. I have too much schoolwork to be able to work a job that could pay for insurance on my GTI. I was thinking, if I do decide to become mostly independent...what I could do is get something inexpensive to drive back and forth to school. It's only an hour drive each way. (I would drive the Bug but it's just too old, rusty and unreliable.) I really like the 1980's Mercedes E-Class...big, strong, reliable as hell, diesel means conversion to vegetable oil, not to mention cheap, relatively easy to maintain, and probably pretty cheap to insure as well. I'm not sure yet, it was just an idea.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for here. I'm probably gonna get slammed for being a whiny bitch who is spoiled and can't just do what his mommy and daddy tell him to keep a nice car. But it's more than that. There's more going on than even this, but I figured I'd just cut it off here before I discover some sort of character limit. I've consulted a few adults about this before (including my therapist) and they too, seem to think that my parents are being way too overbearing. It's just been killing me lately, I feel like no matter what I do I'm gonna disappoint them...and when that happens they retaliate. This is why I hate it when they buy me things, because I know they'll find a way to hold it over me one day when I'm doing something they don't approve of. I'm not allowed to make my own decisions and mistakes, they must be made for me.

Anyway, to anyone who actually read this whole damn thing, thank you. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Believe me, I understand things are a helluva lot worse for other people. But there's a lot going on in my head right now...depression, anxiety, mild eating disorder just to name a few. I'm fucked up and my parents don't even know, because they can't even grasp these things, and furthermore make no effort to grasp them. The Bible is their justification for everything, and they won't consult anything else. I just feel trapped, and I want out.

Thanks for reading.

Clark.

 

Being a Parent I can see where they are coming from, but growing up like you I can see where you are coming from........Parental pressure, social pressure etc.


Parents many times project things on to their kids, or expect them to reflect them in a certain way. You may never be 100% what their perfect image is, but I guarantee they are proud of you and that they care about your or they would not be this harsh...Remember it is a car, and if that is all they have to leverage over you, let them take it and you do your best at life and eventually they will see that you turned out fine. I have seen your work ethic and you are not a typical person of your age, most people your age are arrogant, ignorant and think the world owes them a living. Coming from the back round you did, you are very grounded in your thinking......

I think communication is Key, maybe take your dad and mom to dinner and sit down with them and get it out on the table...... find out what really is bothering them.

"the entire point of this rant is that I'm just tired of my parents trying to run my life for me." as long as they are your source of financial support they have some level of control, but they also need to understand you are an adult and need to live your life........

 

Quit smoking, get a part time job and just pay the insurance. I know you said you don't have time but I think thats your only option, plus it will show them your being responsible.
I think no matter what you do your parents will never be satisfied.
Some parents just expect to much from there kids.

 

Just remember, there is no manual that teaches a parent how to be a parent. If they love you, they are doing what they feel is in your best interest... Whether you agree with that or not, just knowing that they are coming from a place of love and compassion may give you a little more patience and understanding in dealing with them.

As long as they are funding you and your life you are kind of screwed in terms of doing what you want to do. If you feel strongly enough that they are wrong and thay youcan no longer handle them imposing their beliefs on you you need to cut the ambilical cord... Until then, you are on their dime, good, bad or indifferent.

You mentioned a few times that "other parents don't do this" and "other kids do that".... stop focusing on what "other people" are doing and do because it really is not of much relevance...Every situation is different and you have no idea what they are going through and have to endure. Your focus needs to be on what you are doing and need to do going forward.

You need to weigh out what you want - Funding and be subject to thier criticism or on your own and free to do what you want without the need to be subjected to the parental opinions.

AND FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED stop accepting things from them....they way you tell the story it is always dangled over your head... Learn from your past experiences and if you do not like what comes along with the gifts DONT ACCEPT THEM!!!!

Good luck man!

 

I had a good friend through highschool that had similar parents. They would lock her up in her room if she got a B or would not let her see her friends or have a socal life etc. She had 4.0 by senior year but still wasnt good enough so on her 18th birthday she packed all her stuff up and left and has been on her own since then. She still talks to her parents on a regular basis but she made it on her own. The first year was rough but now she has a family and is doing well. It is a very hard decision but you either have there financial backing and deal with the same issues or you move out and do your own thing. In the end they are the parents so they are going to call the shots regaurdless if they make sence or not.

 

As other have said, it seems your parents are being tough on you because they just want you to success. Unfortunately, it it obvious that you don't see eye to eye with them.

It seems like if you want to keep the car you will either have to stop smoking or pay for the car. If you cant afford it on your own maybe work out a way to contribute something to the payments.

As Kilo said, communication is key. sit down with them and tell them how you have been feeling. If need be, maybe see your therapist as a family. He or she might be able to help get you guys to a place where they can learn to be supportive parents in what you want for yourself. Speak about how you are feeling and what they could do help you get to a better place.

 

I honestly do not think my folks really accepted me for me until I got in to Law Enforcement, sort of solidified that the did things right......... They kicked me out when I was 18 for too much partying and not taking care of my business. Sometimes its tough love that will force you to focus.



And Carbon was 100% right, get a part time job, pay your insurance and start to develop yourself, your parents will respect that. From what you have said about your fathers up bringing, sounds like they do not want you ever to have to suffer and that they think school is the key to make you successful, it worked for your father so he is assuming that it will work for you.


At the end of the day, your parents care about you.

 

Thanks for all the responses so far guys. I think I will talk to them, and I've been considering trying to find a way to see a family counselor for some time now. I wish I could get them to see the counselor I've been seeing now, but she works with the campus wellness center, so I don't know if she can see my family or not. And my parents would probably disregard her anyway, as she's a lot younger than they are But I really like her, she listens a lot of the time but really seems to care about me. When I said I related a lot to the book The Perks of being a Wallflower she went and read it that next week.

I feel like a lot of people don't understand why I don't just do what I'm told and go along with my parents, in order for me to receive things (car, money, etc.) from them. And I think the reason is that a lot of people really want the life my parents have...my mom stays at home and my dad works...we've got a big house and we all drive nice cars and live in a nice neighborhood. And there's nothing wrong with that at all. But I've grown up like that, and found that it's not exactly my...forte. For me personally, life isn't about climbing the ladder at work and making a ton of money. I guess I just have simpler tastes. Maybe it's just the rebellious teenager in me, although I like to think that I'm like this because I'm just a different type of person than my parents. I wish they would just see that as a good thing. I mean I don't want to be a bum or anything, haha. But I'm not too concerned with having a super high-paying job or raising a family or anything. I just want to experience life and enjoy my time here. I'm not a partyer or anything, I have drank alcohol like 4 times in my life if you can even call those occasions drinking. I don't do drugs...by experience life...I just mean enjoy everything this world has to offer. I definitely want an education and will continue going to college, because I know it is important. And I want to be responsible for my own life, I've wanted to be for some time. Maybe this is just the push that I've needed.

And I certainly know they care about me, and I really do care about them too. I want to make them happy because I know they've done a whole lot for me and given up a whole lot for me. I want them to be proud of me. We've always had a good relationship but sometimes I feel like we have a communication breakdown...my parents don't seem to tell me what they're thinking a lot of the time, and I'll admit I haven't been entirely open and honest with them either. But I want to change that, I miss when I was able to be open with them about things.

It really is nice that you guys are taking the time to read this and write responses. Wow

 

And this will sound really weird, but part of me would almost be relieved to have my own car that I've paid for, something not very nice that can get beat up on a bit. I love my GTI but it's not exactly the best car to keep at college with me. It sits out in the elements all the time in a parking lot, and I never have time to properly clean it. I've always got people getting in and out of it and it's taken more abuse in the past 3 months than it has in the two years I've owned it. I haven't washed it since I Opti-Coated it back in August, and the only real "cleaning" I did of the interior was cleaning out the trash that had accumulated. It's just a lot of responsibility and I don't like to see my car in this state, lol. I feel like I'm neglecting it but there's nothing really I can do about it, and I just feel bad seeing a nice new car looking like mine does now. I go home a lot but I'm always busy...I feel like for the next few years of my life, keeping a car clean and looking good aren't going to be very high priorities. And having it in this state seems like a poor way to repay my parents for getting me a nice car.

 

Wow it seems like you are going through a tuff time, I really wanted to think about what I want say next. Sadly this response is going to be short because I am using my iphone while waiting for Bryan in a chapters to trade some products. Like everyone has said your parents love and you them, I didn't have the parental situation but I had the same situation as far as my friends circle inside my first year in UNi.... I use to go back to my room and classes, never socialized with anyone until I opened up to one of my friends at home then I stragiZed yes stragiZed on how to get more social it helped a ton. I think the biggest issue here is not even the car but how you interact with your parents...I think you guyschave to set a date to have a serious talk, I mean plan for 5 hours because whatever your going through is very real and very serious if you can't tell them then show them these posts help th understand you. I really would like to wish you luck...I'll follow up in a bit To try to help you as best as I can..my battery is dying so going to pick up a car and driver

 

Clark -

I am glad to hear that you are doing well in College - great job !!!

It sounds like your Parents really care about your welfare and future, and at the same time, are being a bit unrealistic holding things that they gave you as ransom if you don't do something in a manner that they approve of.

All Parents had to learn to become, just as you will someday. Some of us get it right, some of us get it partially right, its all over the map.
In the end we Parents (and I am also a Step-Parent), try to do the best we can to provide the comforts and future for our children, that we probably did not have when we were growing up. We always want the best for our children - it might not seem like it at times, but we really do love our children and want them to turn out better than we did.
We want our children to learn a skill, trade, etc., from us, and we want to offer them our wisdom we have accumulated over many, many, years of life.
Sometimes,we even want to live our lives vicariously through our children, and of course, this can only lead to much frustration, heartache, and all kinds of challenges.

Your Parents sound like they really love you and care about you, and want you to be successful and have a future for yourself and your family some day.
I dont think that the holding things hostage thing is a great idea myself. But it does open up an option for you to allow the situation to continue, or just say, "ok, take the xxxxxx, etc., I will figure out on my own how to do without it", and then set out to do just that.

Im also of the opinion that unless you are really good at Engineering Calculus, you should not continue to try to satisfy your Dad's wishes to become an Engineer like he is.

How about getting a Degree in one of the Economics majors? You can still take Calculus, and need to for this, but it is not nearly as hard as Engineering Calculus. And there are really good jobs for people that get a degree in Economics too.

There are probably a lot of things that you can do really well, Clark ! You still have time I believe, to declare and go from there, right ? Think about what you really like, that pays really well, has a great future and pay potential, and makes you excited and happy to do every day, and that will help you narrow down what you want to pursue.

I think having a nice car at College can only bring heartache and dents from other not so good drivers on campus. Especially if there is not (and is there ever) enough parking anyway.. I would just get a beater for school, if I had to have one, or just rent one of those cars that are available all the time for people - cant think of what they call them, or get really good at learning about the Public Transportation system around the school.

I also believe that having that talk with a Counselor/Therapist and your Parents might be great, but dont be hurt if it doesnt turn out successfully right away. It may require time and patience, heartache, tears, and heartfelt conversations, prayer, and more Counseling and then perhaps it will start to gel.

Some people like to be controlling and I am not one of those people - but I came from a family where my Dad was. It was hard, it was frustrating, it was hurtful to see how he treated my Mom sometimes. But the good I was able to glean out of that was that I needed to be "on point, sharp, prepared, everything in its place, and extremely good at whatever I did, and these things really helped me (perhaps to a fault sometimes), throughout my life. You are learning things from your family, Clark, that you are going to take with you, perhaps leave behind the things that you dont like, and take and improve on the 'life lessons", that you learned, and then leave this Legacy on to your progenitors. We all do this, some better than others, some not well, some with a bit if dis functionality, you name it, its there.. This is what life is all about ultimately.

You, my friend, are just getting started and have an awesome future ahead of you !

Thanks for trying so hard to do well in School and doing just that, and to please your Parents !!! We here are all so proud of you and all that you have accomplished ! You are doing great !!!

We will keep you and your family in our prayers, Clark.

Dan F

 

You got a lot on your mind, no doubt about it. As an 18 year old kid i joined the service for 2 reasons, get away from my parents, and i didn't want to wind up in Viet Nam, i was in the Navy for 4 years, and it was the best thing i ever did. How does this apply to you, i think it's time for you to stand on your own 2 feet. Talk to your parents and tell them that you are who you are and no one else and that the only way to learn is by trail and error, it is after all called human nature. Make a name for yourself so your parents can be proud of you. As long as you know you are trying to do the best you can do, thats what's important. You already know how your parents feel, and the only thing that may change is you.
Today at age 60 i still stuggle with lifes indifferences, but if anything, i still try and do the best i can with whats been given me, if others can't accept that,well, so be it.
So blaze yourself a trail and enjoy what ever life has to offer. Oh, and don't focus on the material things so much,being around the world in the service and seeing people struggle just to have clean water makes me appreciate what we have here.
Wish you the best.

 

Sorry to hear you're going through tough times, but I agree that somethings will have to give. Parents are tough, and definitely wouldn't want their kids to do worst than them, but sometimes they just gotta accept that not everyone wants to be in a 100k/year profession. I say the most important thing is that you are happy with what you do AND make a comfortable living. The GTI is nice, but I bet it would feel even nicer in the future where you pay for it yourself. Perhaps an older reliable vehicle that gets you from point a to point b is your best option, wouldn't have to worry about the paint either. College is only a small fraction of your life, but you will still have plenty of youth after college unleash your boy racer.

Have you considered work study? I know it sounds overwhelming to work and get good grades in school, but it is very possible. I don't know what kind of classes you're taking, but mine are memorization intensive, and a key to that is just to break it down into pieces. I only really study maybe 10-15 hours a normal week, few hours a day with several breaks. Marking all the important days, setting adequate time for yourself to get things done, and not procrastinating (tough thing to overcome lol).

Good luck with everything!

 

Number one this to remeber is when things get rough, don't give up-never go into a mode where you have decided-this will never get better. I am a parent of a 17 year old and I remember my own time growing up in a house where my father had an insane work ethic. He was a self made man and did very well. He was very tough on me and pressed me to do better no matter how well I did. I was punished for poor behavior like most kids and was given the freedom comensurate with how well I fit into the mold of what he wanted for me. I resented it at the time but it really was not the worst thing in hind site. No matter where you end up in life you will have someone else "to report to". My friends think I am lucky becasue I work for myself and therefore have no boss-WRONG-! I have alot of bosses I call them customers/clients. Life's sucesses and set backs are all part of the game of life. it is not a straight road and not always fun but when you get the ripe old age of 44 (me), you can look back and see that some of the things you wrote about made you stronger and who you are today.

I had some of the same troubles you mentions relating to grades and parental expectations. I have those same conversations with my boys today. It is only becase I truly love them and know that if they get better grades today, they will get into better schools. In the better schools they will meet quality kids who later in life can provide a framework for business opportunities, life long friends and socializing with good quality people. Parents really just want what they think is best for their children and sometimes we make mistakes and sometimes we know better becasue of the experiences we had growing up.

I can tell you is life goes fast! The older you get the faster it seems to go. Summers fly by, weeks seem to evaporate and before you know it, your kid it 6'2 and driving! WOW- my advise is make the best of your situation and work hard, your patents seem to have your best interest at heart. As far as you sexuality-I should not comment on how to handle that becasue I have zero experience but you need to get a professional family counslor involved so you and your parents can get proper counseling for all your sakes. I am sure they don't want to loosse you as much as you don't want to loose them,.

Good luck and the only thing I can garantee is these situations will work out, just don't do anything rash. You will look back on this someday and see that this was just a speed bump in your life. Life is what you make it-make yours great. Its a choice. Good Luck.

 

Oh wow everyone, thanks so much ^_^ It's so lovely to know that there's people out there who care and have taken the time to write out messages to help me through this, you guys went above and beyond my expectations for this thread when I started it.

I'm going to be home for Christmas break in a couple weeks, for over a month. I'm going to use that time to tell my parents all that's been going on in my head, and talk all this out with them. They may not like who I have become, but it's time they know how I feel about things and if they want to take my car, that's fine. Honestly I might talk about selling it regardless of whether or not they cut me off the insurance...having a nice car is such a burden at college. I can never properly maintain it and already it's got its share of dings and scratches that certainly were not caused by me. I just want a beater. I'm thinking a mid 1980's Mercedes 300D A friend had one, and it wouldn't die. Lovely cars.

Anyway, I feel like I'm ready to start doing things on my own, I've been saying it for ages now so it's about time I put my money where my mouth is and DO something about it. I think I'll ultimately feel better about myself and in the long run I think it'll be good for me. I've always liked being self-sufficient. Or the idea of it, so it's damn near time for me to stop thinking about the idea and actually do it. Anyway, I just wanted to thank each one of you guys for taking the time to write something out for me, it means so much I'll certainly be updating this as things progress and let you guys know how everything goes!

 

I read all of the first post, and the first few answers only, so I don't know if this was covered/answered/commented on or not but I absolutely MUST say something.

You mentioned that you cut yourself. This is alarming to me because it is either a sign of early psychosis, or attempted suicide/future attempt. I have tried to kill myself before, and luckily someone was there who physically stopped me from doing so. Everyone is always saying how it's stupid and weak and that it's not worth it. But few people know how someone feels and what is racing through that persons head when they are thinking about doing or actually doing this action. I've been there. I know. In this situation, nothing anyone says matters and the only thing going through your mind is all the negative going on in your life at the same time. This ties in with your current situation.

Just remember: School is not a permanent thing. Debts are not a permanent thing. Parents holding things over your head (or trying to) is not a permanent thing. No money for lack of a job is not a permanent thing. Suicide is permanent. If you're thinking that suicide is a solution to your problems, seek help or call someone and keep talking to people until the urges pass. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.

Hell, call me if you need to talk to someone.

 

Thank you for your concern I will say that I'm not feeling particularly suicidal...there was a time in my life where I was but that's been almost a year now. Though it's true that I do cut myself...I don't do it with the intentions to kill myself, only with intentions of self-harm. Which really isn't much better, I suppose. But I haven't cut since the weekend Reading these posts and talking with my good friend and looking forward to this weekend have kept me going And I've got an awful cold so I spend most of my downtime sleeping anyway, lol. But don't worry, I plan on sticking around on this planet for a while

 

Let me just say that you and I would probably be really good friends. It sounds like you are going through a lot of what I was and have been going through. I won't give my life story and how our lives are similar because I am a very private person and it's way too long to type lol. Anyways, if you ever need to talk to someone other than your therapist (which I have been there and done that) to talk to, I am always here to listen. On a side note, it is amazing to see how much people do seem to care for one another with all the responses given.

 

I need you to read this as many times as is necessary for you to believe this as i know it to be true-

suicide is a permanant soloution to a temporary problem.

You will figure you way through this speed bump in your life and go on to be a happy sucessful adult. You will carVe out a life in this world with or without your parents approval of every step you make along the way. Suicide is never an answer and if you ever feel that it is, you need to immediatly get help from a clergy or counsler at a crisis center.

No matter your differences, your parents would never want to lose a child. I am a dad and i know this as a fact.

Concentrate on working it our and remeber that situations can be overcome. Tough times dont last but tough people do!

Nobody has it easy all the time. Even if you don't see it. let it motivate you to work hard and get through it. I heard a good saying, when your going through HELL, keep going!

 

Firstly, I have only read your initial post, so I'll be responding to that.

Insert silly overachieving Asian joke.

Okay that would be funnier if I said I'm Chinese. My family is like yours in the way that we really want to nurture overachievers in any way possible. My parents, aunts and uncles did not grow up wealthy by any means, so they value financial stability over happiness in general. It's bloody amazing to me how they can fuel such a work ethic just based on that. Every child in my generation is being pushed to become a doctor. I know, how typical. Well, my oldest cousin is now in a program to become an anesthesiologist. We have someone to blame!

I totally remember a time around your age when I felt the same way, so I hope this will help you. I understand my parents work incredibly hard just to make my life easier. They run a restaurant and my god, it is a hell of a lot of work. I understand my parents only want the best for me. Still, the nagging is unbearable. The best thing that I realized was to do things for myself first. Sadly, I will not likely become a doctor mostly because I don't feel like the lifestyle suits me. This deeply upsets all of my family, but hey, I really can't do anything without passion. Someone said to me once, "Just do what you like and the money will follow." I am paraphrasing, but that is the general idea I hope will prove true to me. It just makes sense to me though, so I'm going to follow what I like.

This may sound a bit strange, but poker has taught me a lot of things about life that has generally made me a happier person. When you lose a huge pot, of course it will suck. If you win one too, that's fantastic. However, what matters is did you make the right play for the situation? If you did, then it's just time to move on. So if you did the best you could, then I think you can be proud of that. If you feel like you haven't, then there's ways for you to change yourself to be better. Only you'll know if you did your absolute best. Nobody can tell you otherwise.

Now, if I smoke or did anything to harm my health, my parents could disown me, haha. Luckily for them, studying biology magnifies the risks for me because I get to see what happens to these people and their organs. It's not pretty. I completely understand why you do these things, and I will not be saying anything about how terrible it is.

I just have one suggestion and I apologize that it will be a broad one. Do what you can to just feel better about yourself please. If that's joining some wacky club to make friends for a better social life, okay. I assure you that everything will be better once you feel more awesome. Best of luck, Clark. Hope this all goes well for you.