It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do however realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner. 1. TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training. INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing. 2. TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She's a ball-busting b__ch. 3. TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this? 4. TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: No f______ way. 5. TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh__ing me! 6. TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with... INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__. 7. TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: It's not my f______ problem. 8. TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the f___? 9. TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented. INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work. 10. TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that. INSTEAD OF: Why the f____ didn't you tell me sooner? 11. TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__. 12. TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die. 13. TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it? INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__. 14. TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment. INSTEAD OF: F___ it, I'm on salary. 15. TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand. INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__. 16. TRY SAYING: I love a challenge. INSTEAD OF: This job s_cks. 17. TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that? INSTEAD OF: Who the h___ died and made you boss? 18. TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive. INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck. Pilots vs mechanics Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one, reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable level. P: Friction locks causes throttle levers to stick. S: That's what friction locks are for. P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine m issing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!) S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit S: Cat installed. And the best one for last................ P: Noise coming from under instrument panel Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget
ROFLMAO!!!! I've spent so much time around airplane mechanics when i worked at the National Warplane museum in New York and i can totally picture some of the people i worked with doing crap like that!! priceless!!
I've read those before and really enjoy them! In fact, I was telling a friend at work about the repair ones and he hadn't seen it yet, so this is great, now he'll be able to.
