I haven't posted any jokes on here in a while so I thought I would share some recent ones: This lad's quick on his feet: I went to the doctor's office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female; drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional; I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll check it out ." I said, "my wife thinks my dick tastes funny." I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning! The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did.... she's 21 and her name's Lucy. I laughed till I cried on this one: Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary. Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre." My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether." Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please." The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries! A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant." He asked, "How did this happen, my child?" She said, "I think it must be the second coming." The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?". She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one........"
